Jealousy Is a Sickness...

If you only had a moment's insight into the pain I've experienced throughout my life, your jealousy of me would diminish.  You don't know me, but you judge me.  You envy me for the blessings God chose to bestow upon me, but that isn't even my problem with you.  My issue is that you maliciously try to hurt me because of this perception that you have deep within you that I somehow have it made, and you are merely evening out the playing field.  Stop trying to tear me down. 

Truth is, I was oblivious.  I always had a strange feeling that you were not genuine with me, but my religion teaches me not to indulge in these feelings.  "Suspicion, in some cases," God says in the Quran, "is a sin."  I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, so I happily--and naively--continued about my merry way.  Until, of course, someone I trust approached me, spilling the secrets you have kept for so long.

Why did you do it?  I helped you.  I supported you; all the while you were maliciously gossiping about me behind my back?  Why did you try to sever my bonds with other people--did you intend to hurt me, or simply not realize the harm of your words?  Now it all makes so much sense--those passive aggressive comments.  You couldn't bear to hear anyone compliment me, without interjecting some type of "joke" that would inevitably serve to belittle my praise.  You couldn't leave me with a smile on my face except that you took action to try to remove it.

You truly have no reason to be jealous.  God has already leveled out the playing field without you intervening to harm another.  The pain I go through in my life only balances out the blessings I have been given, just as I am sure is the case with you.    So why hurt me?

The truth is, I am a believer.  And as such, I must find it in myself to forgive you, and to only discuss my pain caused by this to you.  But it will be hard.  It will be hard to continue giving you the benefit of the doubt, when you have proven beyond reasonable doubt that you want to tear me down after I trusted you to help build me up.  It will be hard to see you and smile like I used to.  It will be tough, but this is my responsibility as a Muslim.  So I'll do it, by the will of God.  After all, I would hate to make you feel the same pain you've caused me.


Dena AtassiComment