Mosquitos Love You Because...
So if you're anything like me, you could shower in mosquito repellant and regardless, in the midst of your happy family BBQ with screaming children, flying blow-up balls, and dogs stealing the kosher hot dogs, you are experiencing an acupuncture-like hellish nightmare of thousands of mosquito needles sticking into multiple areas of your body simultaneously while everyone else at the party enjoys themselves bite-free.
So today, after a long day painting outside and donating what felt like gallons of my blood to the neighborhood bugs--not to mention towards the end of the mosquito season when it's really too late to try out the ideas anyways--Dr. Mercola's email hits my iPhone with an unceremonious swoosh. And lo and behold, he says that scientists have figured out what makes one in every five people (I am one of those hardly-honored folk who hold this esteemed position according to the insect community and my seasonal hypertrophic scarring) attract mosquitos!
Before I continue, let me make the disclaimer that I adore reading Dr. Mercola's site and thank God (and also my former mother-in-law!) every day for being introduced to his resources. But gosh darn, in this email, the dude asserts that mosquitos are attracted to certain types of bacteria in body sweat and then continues to say that they are especially attracted to dirty socks and old, germ-inducing body fluids. So basically, with a title like "What Attracts Mosquitos and How to Repel Them" and a thesis statement (ok I'm being dramatic, this wasn't the article's "thesis," if you will, but it is a legit sentence I tore from some God-forsaken paragraph in the nightmarishly long read!) like: "Although mosquitoes are not attracted to fresh sweat, if you offer them up some 'fermented sweat,' they'll be all over you," the one in five of us who attract Mosquitos apparently don't take enough showers and have chronic athlete's foot (yes he says that too!)!
Considering that I am developing this cute little website and blog about healthy lifestyles, with a strong emphasis on hygiene mind you, do you really think that it's fair to lump me into the "hopelessly stinky" category just because I am prone to getting bit by bugs outside? Do you?
I am really thinking that there must be something else about this mosquito thing that 'em darned scientists haven't figured out yet, and my fragile ego is highly bruised in the meanwhile.
To read more about my hygiene articles, click here, you squeaky-clean mosquito hater, you.